


Dear Sam, I-

by the_wincest_life



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Parent John Winchester, Fluff, Gay, Happy, Incest, LGBTQ Character, M/M, One Shot, Sad, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sibling Incest, Stanford Era, Wincest - Freeform, happy wincest, one shot wincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 19:36:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16332140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_wincest_life/pseuds/the_wincest_life
Summary: After Sam leaves for college Dean is devasted that's why he is trying to send him an email to reconnect with him.





	Dear Sam, I-

**‘** **_Dear Sam, I-_ ** **’** no, no it’s wasn’t right. 

**‘** ** _Sam, I need you to know that I-’_** no, he erased the text. 

**‘** **_Sammy, I wanted to tell you that I-’_ ** shit. 

 

Why was it so hard to write a simple email. It was close to 3AM and Dean was writing, deleting and writing again the same sentence over and over. He hadn’t talked with Sam for over a year and it made it even harder. 

**‘** **_Sam I miss you.’_ ** no, he can’t say that.

‘ **_Sammy I want to see you.’_ ** no, he can’t.

 

“Fuck this,” he groaned and shut the computer, he hung his head back and let out a heavy sigh. He looked around the motel room, it was dark. He stood up and reached for his phone, ‘ _ no unread messages’  _ it said on the screen. 

 

**‘** **_Sam, hey. How’s college?’_ ** he quickly erased the text message. 

**‘** **_I’m in town wanna catch up?’_ ** no, it’s not right. 

 

“Ugh, the fuck are you doing man?” he said to himself and tossed the phone at the end of the bed before collapsing on it. 

 

Dean rarely had good or happy dreams, it was always eerie nightmares, but when he had pleasant dreams- it was always about Sam. Sometimes memories from the past or re-imagined conversations with a good ending, and that’s what made everything harder. He didn’t want to wake up and find the bed next to him empty, he didn’t want to wake up in a dark and messy room, he didn’t want to wake and drive in the car alone for hours at a time. He didn’t want to wake up- and have a life without Sam. But he did anyway, because that was the hunter life. He woke up, did the job and went to sleep.

 

Dean tossed and turned, he couldn’t sleep- all the thoughts in his head were buzzing, a constant noise that he couldn’t stop. There wasn’t a day that passed that he didn’t think of Sam, that he didn’t think about calling or texting him. But there was always something holding him back.

 

“Please God, I can’t take this anymore. If you are out there, bring him back to me. I’m begging you. Please- I can’t do this without him.” he whispered. Dean was never one for praying, but he couldn’t help but wonder if God could hear him. And if that meant bringing Sam back, it was worth a shot.  


 

When Sam first left, their father was infuriated and just by hearing Sam’s name he’d snap. This went on for a few months until John started to act like his son never existed, whenever Dean mentioned Sam he would act like he didn’t know what he was talking about. That didn’t last long though, around eight months after Sam had left for college, John entered his final stage. He kept talking about Sam- but not in a good way, he went on about how Sam hated them and that’s why he left. That he never loved them, saying that he should have burned in the fire. That was Dean’s breaking point he ditched John and headed off on his own, although he couldn’t erase the thought of Sam hating him, from his head. 

 

Suddenly he heard a low hum as something vibrated at the end of the bed. In his attempt to catch his phone he fell of the bed but without losing time he got up and opened it quickly.  _ ‘Let it be Sam’  _ he kept repeating in his head. 

 

**_‘Dean, there’s a job that I will need your help with. Get back to me asap. Bobby’_ **

 

Damn. Was he really that dumb to believe that God would hear his prayer and above all have Sam text him at six in the morning, after one year of not talking to each other? 

 

“How could I be that stupid?” he laughed to himself and sat at the edge of the bed.

 

What he had with Sam was over, he destroyed it when he chose to stay with his dad instead of sticking by Sam. But how could he have known that everything they did the night before he left, would be their last time. Their last hug, their last goodnight- their last first kiss. No, he couldn’t have known, but now Sam is gone and he is--

 

“What the hell?” Dean said under his breath when the door knocked. He stood up, grabbing his gun from the coffee table and hesitantly opened it. 

 

“Hi Dean,” he said with a sweet smile, “I’m glad I finally found you. I missed you.”

“Sam?” he said not believing what was in front of him.

 

Maybe they would hug once more, say goodnight again- maybe, just maybe... That wasn't their _last first kiss._


End file.
